Thursday, April 28, 2011

So this is love....

Love - A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

Here lately is seems like I am consumed with thoughts of love...all kinds of love. What is means to love my savior and vice versa. The love of parents, families, friends, and spouses. It takes all shapes and sizes and forms. Also with this thought of love, comes the thought of where love is lacking.

I am amazed at how God loves me! The even more amazing part is, I can't even really begin to grasp how deep that love is. More and more God is showing me what true love is and looks like....from himself and from others. In my happiest moments, to times when no words come due to tears, God loves me unconditionally. Unconditional love is such a hard idea for me to grasp. In most of my experiences, love has been very conditional. God is so gracious and forgiving and full of this unconditional love, that it makes me tear up just thinking about it! How can He look at me and see my thoughts, actions, and intentions and still love me? How can he see me run from Him and stray and still love me? I'm sure I will never fully grasp it, but words cannot express how thankful I am for that love!


Another thought that has been laying heavily on my mind when it comes to love, is the thought of men. It seems lately that I have been bombarded with the wrong men and temptation and the feeling that good men no longer exist. It feels overwhelming and sometimes it just makes me want to burst into tears. Somewhere, deep within me, I hear God pulling my heart and saying, "THOSE MEN EXIST!" "WAIT FOR ME AND MY TIMING!" "WAIT FOR WHO I CHOOSE TO LOVE YOU LIKE I INTENDED!"


However, we are human, and sometimes it is hard to understand why things happen or to wait for God's will. It is hard to love someone so much and they don't want you. And you just want to give them everything good you can. Show them things can be good and last, but they don't see you. They look right past you. It is hard and there are tears, but God has a plan and I will cling to it. Even if it feels like the plan will never come, I will hold onto Him for dear life because the Lord is the perfect man! He will never leave you nor forsake you. He will love you unconditionally and fill in those spots in your heart that feel empty.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Struggles/Blessings

Throughout this last year, I have thought about struggles and blessings more than I ever have before. The poetic part is, they almost always come together. Sometimes one sticks around for a long time before the other one shows up, and sometimes not.


Struggle - To contend with an adversary or opposing force.

Struggles come in all shapes, sizes, and magnitudes. More than ever, I have had to look at mine and see why they are there. I have spent hours thinking and praying about why they are happening, what am I supposed to learn from them, and when are they leaving. It can be such a scary process. They can be caused by actions we take, and they can come out of nowhere as well.

I am obviously not a "blogger". I started this blog months ago and have only used it a handful of times. But, I went for a walk today and I was thinking about what I am currently struggling with and something just felt like it was nudging me to write this. I kept getting the urge to write and express, and hoping that maybe someone who is struggling as well, whether big or small, can read it and feel uplifted in some sort of way.

I know how it feels to be heart-broken and lonely. I know how it feels to wonder where you fit or where you are going in life. I know how it feels to want something so badly, and then not get it. The beautiful part about it though, if you hold on and are faithful, the blessings will come. They may not look exactly how you thought they would...but they still come.


Blessing - A favor or gift bestowed by God, thereby bringing happiness.

I am beyond blessed, and I always have been. Sadly though, it took me a while to realize how blessed I really am. Going through certain struggles has opened my eyes and put me in so many new amazing situations. This past year has been the hardest year of my life, and sometimes all I could do was take things minute by minute.

New relationships have been formed and old ones have come back around stronger than ever. God has taught me so much about prayer and my prayer life and what it means to follow him. He has changed me and my heart and shown me what I have been doing wrong in past relationships of any kind. I have tried and done things I have never done before or was scared of, and I survived!

I believe with all of my heart, that God makes us do many things for ourself. I believe he gives us the strength to get through them, but still makes us put in the work. We are to work out our salvation, fears, doubts, etc. To me though, that in itself is a blessing. I don't know if any of this will help someone or bring a little light into someone's life, but I hope it does. Like the song says, "the pain that you've been feeling, is just the hurt before the healing."